Conversations with a young 'nazi' Pt 4

K confesses he is in love and gives me his nazi origin story

Read Part 1

Read Part 2

Read Part 3

K: Sounds like you don’t have daddy issues but mommy issues. Explains why you refer to yourself as a mother to your Instagram followers. Mommy stella 👉🥺👈

K: I’m going to need some context on the tweet about you being pumped full of Wensleydale at Tory conference

Stella: Ignore it, it’s an anon incel feeling incensed.

K: What is a Wensleydale ? google says it’s Yorkshire cheese

Sounds like you are getting accused of being the other party’s sex doll

Stella: I go to their conference for my job, and I hang out with a lot of Tories and me and one of their lot posted some photos together to scandalise Twitter but in a funny way. He was a bit of a dick to be honest, like nice sweet guy but also a mean drunk. And these people are just abusing the fact that I am nice and open about everyone and show goodwill to people I disagree with.

K: He is mean when he is drunk? I’m very friendly when drunk

K: By the end of the night we met I was definitely drunk/ You should have stayed the whole night and seen haha

K: I wasnt unfriendly but I get gushy and lovey when drunk

Stella: Do you remember how we started talking at all?

K: I dont remember the exact details but i struck up the convo bcuz you looked out of place

Stella: Where you like what is that normie doing here? Must be a Fed.

What does ‘gushy’ and ‘lovey’ K sound like?

K: Like a fool

Stella: I can’t imagine you flirting. Maybe because you seem young.

K: Yes I’m just an innocent child in your eyes. I take that as an insult tbh.

Stella: I meeeeean you call me old all the time and you are siding with my incel trolls.

K: I am an incel troll

K: Bend and break my will

K: You are older obviously but seem so young

K: I’m infatuated

Stella: With me??

K: Duh

Who else

Stella: Do you think that’s because I am female and you have been talking to me a lot? And I am online, so you can’t evaluate the reality?

K: I’m a sucker for accents

K: Your messages give me dopamine it’s not good xD

Stella: Well, yeah, because you don’t know me in real life, you can project whatever you want onto me.

Stella: For a racist you sure have some exotic tastes.

K: What am i projecting you are just a hot greek with an accent who is friendly

K: Soo exotic

Stella: Sometimes you say very simple and obvious things, but they sound insightful because you actually articulate them.

K: Stop hyping me up i think most people you know wont tell you the truth

K: So yeah thats my infatuation confession lol shouldnt come as surprise

K: you are captivating my mind

K: You also being a silly liberal infatuates me too

K: I also think there is a psychology where people want what they know they can never have and i know i could never have a 30yr old liberal across the ocean

Stella: You are very self-aware, I wonder how you got that. Americans usually aren’t.

K: I’m literally drunk stella

K: Bars gonna close tho so lame

Stella: Why are you still out

Stella: You have been out all night

K: I love you Greek GOAT

Stella: That escalated quickly

Stella: Drinking ages you!!

K: Eh i already look young ladys say

I can use a little aging

K: Holy shit i wish i could call you rn 😹😹😹😹😹

Stella: Won’t you be drunk

K: Still coherent

Stella: Drink water

Stella: I find it unpleasant to be too drunk

K: Eh you said you get anxiety the day after I read about it

Stella: Yes, wow, you read a lot, that was one of my earlier, more boring diary posts.

K: Ily ily ily

Stella: You love me?

K: Yes omg

K: Tbh the most beautiful

Stella: ?

K: XD all natural beauty compared to some other women

Im simping Rn

K: My friend says you look 23

K: Omg ignore me I’m wilding exposing my true thoughts

If you want my true thoughts ask me now

K: Definitely lacking inhibitions

K: Holy shit I’m faded

Stella: Ok, tell me your true thoughts, but then go to bed and sleep.

K: You gotta ask a question so i can give my drunk thoughts, the TRUE ones

Stella: Do you think your politics are part of your need for attention?

K: lol i don’t crave attention tbh maybe sometimes from women but i think every race should have a spot where they make % of the population

Currently no white nation has that but Africans, Hispanics, Asian and Africans have that tho

Stella: Scientifically, the concept of race lacks a concrete basis, as it is more of a social construct than a biological reality. Even if one perceives it as significant, what harm is there in the natural mixing of populations, something humanity has always done throughout history? Greeks are historically mixed, for example. Great civilisation, too.

Stella: What did you think when you first met me?

K: That you weren’t used to young white American conservatives, it wasn’t until our first call that i was infatuated, especially when you showed me your cat i was like awh that’s so sweet

K: I thought you just wanted a story at first then you seemed interested in my thoughts and experiences

Stella: Writers are interested in one's thoughts and experiences. Isn't that what writing people's stories is about?

K: That’s completely true, I’m just surprised you wanted to write about me and not only crypto

That made me feel special and I’ll never forget it

K: I’m not used to the big city people who are important like you

Stella: I can see why you feel that way.

People made me feel like that, too, when I first moved to London and started rubbing shoulders with people in Westminster. Sometimes, I still feel like that when a particularly erudite, silver-tongued patrician comes along.

K: You telling me to watch the channel news didn’t help either i was like omg she so cute even tho she’s past the age i thought i liked

You helped me rethink “the wall “ on females

30+ can still be sexy, which i didn’t think was possible

saving the world from fascism, one nazi simp at a time

Stella: Wow, my job here is done.

K: Nooooo 😿😿😿

Stella: Fine, I will still talk to you.

K: You got the age victory thats all ok

Stella: Maybe you have yet to interact with many 30-year-old women.

K: Americans are obese

K: You are very well-dieted and healthy i guess

K: Gosh you got me wrapped around your fingers rn

Snap them id bark like a dog wtf

K: Like the popular Bladee song goes

“ bad dog but for you I’m obedient

Stella: I don’t know that one, I know, 'don't treat me like a God, treat me like a dog, I'll come home to you.’

Stella: I wonder if I am harming you.

K: Harming me? No

Stella: I don't want you to obsess over someone who is not in your real life.

K: BOOMER

Also you are in real life the internet is real

Stella: Yes, the internet is real (every avid follower of

Katherine Dee

knows that), but I am not in your physical space and we have little in common.

K: My first kiss said i looked like Yung Lean and we bonded over that

Swedish rapper Yung Lean - K looks better

Stella: How old were you?

K: 15

Stella: That's how old I was, too.

K: She was a year older and when she picked me up from my house she pulled into my driveway during winter and my driveway was a sloped hill and it was snowy and icey so she got stuck in the driveway so my dad had to come get her out of the driveway ah i remember like it was yesterday

K: It makes me want to cry but not sad but just the memories

K: I feel like you judge me 😡

K: Shes fat now

K: Obviously i can never forget a first kiss in her driveway

K: Even smelling a winter , fall scented candle brings me back

K: she met a more experienced guy and i was the virgin noob who didn’t try to fuck that quickly

K: Story of my teens, i was so passive and unaware of sex to a certain aspect, i didn’t want to be accused of sexual assault idk

Low confidence

K: I’d tell you my whole life story 😭😭 anything for a Greek goddess

K: I really think the age difference is my reason for lusting

Stella: Do you think if I were your age, which is just 6 years younger, you wouldn't be?

Stella: Your friends are trolling you, saying I look 23. I last looked 23 when I was 16. I am an old soul and have always carried myself like someone’s mother.

K: You looked gorgeous at 23 too but there is something about the age gap and you wanting people to call you mother wtfff god this is embarrassing

K: No you really do look young

K: Maybe i also have mother issues

K: Kill me

K: If you want the truth you got it smh

Stella: What were your parents like?

K: They were normal growing up

After they split they both went stupid and hanging with bad influences

K: You give me so much motivation though it’s not a bad thing

K: Maybe one day i can get a woman that’s half of you

Stella: I am glad to hear this.

Stella: You are totally smart enough to get a woman like me. You just need to grow up and stop choosing a life on the fringes of society.

K: You say its all about smarts but i dont believe that

K: Luckily I’m not ugly but theres plenty of smart men youd never let touch you

K: I really think I’m cute and look unique definitely dont look british

Stella: You don't look unique; you are good-looking because you look like a boy next door.

For the benefit of the reader, I gave DALL-E the following description of K, and one of his photos: A 24-year-old All-American zoomer, 6ft, lean but not skinny, with tousled Alex Pettyfer in his hay day hair, honey coloured throughout, rectangular glasses, symmetric face, a bit nerdy, casual. Nothing screams nazi. 7/10.

suffice it to say AI is not taking over the world any time soon

Stella: I don’t let smart guys touch me when they have anti-social tendencies and no sense of humour, interests, or passions. Some of these attributes describe you better in the affirmative than others.

Stella: If you want to do more with your life than get high in your house till your Walmart freezer shift starts, you can.

Stella: I know your options out of there are not all enticing, and I can't tell you what a good opportunity would look like for you; I am far removed from your environment, but I know good communication and verbal skills when I hear them.

K: I literally dont get high

K: If you think I’m super wasted and incomprehensible thats crazy

My friends knocked tf out on the couch

Stella: You may not be high right now but by your admittance, you don't do much else.

K: I read on the internet

K: And unlike most people i remember almost all of it

K: Okay 6ft isn’t average 🥲🥲🥲🥲 i feel bullied rn

K: I think im above average ok

Stella: You are.

K: For America atleast

K: You associate with the upper class of Britain tho which i cannot compete

Stella, in her head: My brother in Christ, the British men I associate with are many things, but paragons of beauty is not one of them.

Stella: I meant it as a compliment.

K: Im drunk enough to know im wilding to say what i have said to you but drunk enough not to care

K: I tried to play off my infatuation but i see no point in not being honest

K: Literally you popped into one of my dreams and then i was like yeah ok this is an issue

Stella: what does 'wilding' mean

Stella: The stakes are low because you don't have to see me in your day-to-day life, so you wouldn't feel embarrassed, not that you would need to feel embarrassed anyway. I am cool with people's emotions; there is no shame in them. They come and go.

K: I am acting a fool

Yet completely aware of whats going on

Stella: Plus, you don't know me in real life, so you are probably projecting attributes on me and exaggerating qualities irrelevant to what I am actually like.

K: No you are totally the opposite of me…

K: The city living foreigner while I’m a small town deep rooted American

K: And obviously a super lib

K: Like i said i love what i can never get

K: What am i projecting? I know off what YOU said

Stella: I know I am an open book, and there is a lot of information about me online.

K: It’s really simple

Hot woman finding me unique and giving me the time off day, sounds so cliche but it’s so true

If you were a man i would have never responded which sounds dumb but yeah im a very delusional man

K: I crave the side of you that is not publicly accessible, which i think you have seen in me

K: There is something about knowing a woman’s darkest secret and hidden side that i strive to figure out

K: It makes me feel special

K: Has anyone else said this or am i a parrot of every man 🧐

K: Just tell me too shut up whenever ☠️💀 I’ll listen ok

Stella: I don't know if I have a dark side that would not be even a bit present in my writing. I practice making the subconscious conscious.

Stella: Tell me about the other women you have connected with.

K: I’ll never forget meeting neighbors friend who was a Bosnian female state champ in iowa dating a dude in the jr Olympics whos family was basically elite falling for me i still can remember when she first opened up to me about how she caught her sister overdosing on opioids. I miss her so much, shes another one of the girls who i never had sex with since i was a virgin but i know she loved me, she told me everything about herself, how her mom was in a pow camp, how she moved to America, how her friend was in Palestine about to die, how she saw how hamas was right all along

That stuff hurts stella

K: If you think you are the first ive tried to deeply connect with you are so crazy

K: Now I’m sad

K: She has a husband now and its all in the past, i will never forget her watching the Twilight movie with her in hotel room cuddling with her, her crying as i left visiting her in Iowa because she had no real friends

K: I think the women i truly connect with end up not being physically romantic because i know i will hurt them eventually

Maybe im just retarded

Stella: I don’t think that at all, I know you have connected with others before. I can tell you have the capacity to bond and be emotionally vulnerable. Not everyone can do that! I would know; I date English men.

K: I met her at my house while on shrooms and acid, tripping balls, i had a “barn” at my old house with a loft with a couch and hangout spot upstairs and my neighbor friend whos passed out on my couch brought the neighbor girl and her friend elma over there and i was literally in my bed tripping balls and he called me like yo we are in the loft come hangout and i remember meeting her for the first time for real, i met her one other time months prior right after i graduated hs in but she was in the backseat of the car and I was sitting passenger so we only really said a few words but anyways

I met her that night when i was tripping and i felt it changed my life, i had never talked to a women so accomplished and beautiful before, a state champion isnt that common you know iowa is very competitive and theres only like handful of those women a year, we really hit it off that week she was staying next door with her friend, my neighbor who was a girl used to be her neighbor. The next night after tripping we all got drunk and we ended up dancing together she was the first girl i had ever danced with. We danced to “ in my feelings” by drake and i was so horribly bad at dancing but she really seemed to like me. At the time she was in this multi year relationship with a well accomplished man and i was mind blown how she was basically cheating on him for me. My dad was hanging out with us in the loft too which is kinda funny i guess but hes a chill guy just overseeing his teenage kid get drunk i guess, normal enough. But elma ended up getting way too drunk on Crown Royal peach and puking everywhere in my loft, i dont think i had ever been happier cleaning up someones mess lol, thats like just a part of the story

Stella: Why will you eventually hurt them?

K: Because i can never be satisfied

K: If one girl validates me i think i can always get better

It sucks

K: God i feel so emo rn but its good every once and awhile to open up

Unbeknownst to K, I was also drunk, but not on alcohol.

Stella: why did you two stop talking?

K: Distance and she met a new man but then she broke up with him and then she met a husband i guess hes ugly as shit ngl and i know im way more interesting but she talked to me after that but i think i came on to her too hard while texting her but i know deep down she knows im better but its not realistic

Stella: Do you think the drugs heightened everything?

K: Definitely but i would have fallen in love regardless

The drugs made me come out of my shell thats all

K: I’m just a sucker for European women , her family was muslim bosnian and her dad was kinda the one who normalized Hitler for me, I’ll never forget being at her house, + hours from my house and him mentioning hitler he barely speaks good English but i was also acting like i wasnt the guy trying to get with his daughter while she had a boyfriend. When i visited her house her mom cooked such a nice traditional bosnian meal and i was so nervous i couldnt eat ANYTHING she had me so heart trobbed i didn’t eat anything for days it was so fucked omg

K: Do you see why i said i cant write all about my love life, this is just only one girl and its not even done ok

K: I’m actually tearing up typing this it sucks

Stella: hey

Stella: It's ok, you are feeling sad re-living emotional experiences.

Stella: The people we meet when we are young and our first loves stigmatise us.

Stella: This is why I have this deep infatuation with the UK and British men despite the drawbacks.

Stella: My first boyfriend was British, and many of the men I have fallen for since then.

K: For me, albanian, Hungarian, Bosnian ones really stick out. Maybe because they were the most beautiful idk. They werent my first at anything but ones i truly felt were out of my league but somehow they admired me

K: I feel girls see in me what i cant see in myself

K: Thats why i appreciate you partially

K: The girl i lost my virginity was truly meaningless as i said before and that hurts more than anything and im a guy, i cant imagine being a girl and having that feeling. Especially if it wasn’t consensual

I know you view me as an non-empathetic monster but you are so wrong

K: Having a girl you loved show you photos of her family friend in a concentration camp in Gaza will definitely radicalize anyone

K: While your beloved kier stamer labor pm send thems anything they want weapons wise made off the soil of my ancestors homeland, you wouldn’t understand

K: I’m definitely not a muslim but I’m definitely not whatever the hell he or his supporters are

K: Not to be mean but at the end of the day you are just a greek girl who larps as a brit you wouldn’t ever understand me unless you really tried xoxoxo

Stella: I fail to see how the actions of a government or politician can justify stereotyping an entire race or religion. It's unfair and irrational to hold individuals accountable for the decisions of a few.

Stella: And that is before I consider your childish questioning of accepted horrific historical facts like the Holocaust.

Poem by Warsan Shire

Stella: I don’t want to get into that issue while you are drunk and tired. It’s 4:00 am in Illinois, go to bed.

K stops responding.

I hope he is asleep.

I go back to work

TBC.