Stella, it's me; your older sister. Oh wow. What this piece has done to take me back a couple of decades. I had guy friends in the 90s and early 00s who were gay (and have since come out) but none of us had the language to be able to talk about it then, and really I don't think we even thought about them in terms of sexuality. If anything, my closer now-out friends were classed as pretty much asexual in our group, like it would be a massive shock if they were with ANYONE, let alone another man. They were our sidekicks; companions who walked alongside us as we made all the mistakes with all the rotten apples. And so they were classed as 'enthusiastic,' as 'theatrical,' 'as children's TV presenter -like' instead.
Thanks for reminding me that though things have improved in the UK, it's not the case elsewhere and still a MASSIVE deal to live in your truth.
And yes, you are the hottest mother of the groom I've ever seen 🔥
oh wow, that is fascinating. I never thought that would be the case. I am so surprised that even for something so simple your generation struggled to express it, because you are only slighly older than me so I didn't expect such a difference.
Aren't we lucky to be alive now and here, when and where disagreeing with dogma (or other people in general) only generates disapproval, not imprisonment or death. I'd like to keep it that way.
This was Stella’s best piece yet. A lesser writer would’ve turned a mundane event into an excuse for narcissistic moral posturing, but this piece was emphatic, hilarious and inspiring.
You said 90% of your friends circle is gay, is this just gay men or also queer women and others?
Matteo Lane has a hilarious stand up bit where he says gaymen flock around straight drunk women coming out of bars at night because they love drama, and they know stuff's about to happen.
and I will check Matteo out, I need some inspo for my own stand up! I was thinking of writing a funny piece here about how to be a good faghag, by for example not colonising gay clubs just because the vibe is nicer and the music is more fun etc.
Preeching to the choir. It's the reason queer women stopped going to lgbt venues, including myself, and they're all closing down now. They're just full of straight women and that defeats the purpose.
Congratulations to your friends! Their bravery in pursuing love is an inspiration. Where do you think the line is between disrespect and discrimination, had they not served a black couple would have been legal? Its interesting I thought it was. Competing interests is so sad, we can’t protect everyone.
I think disrespect is not a matter for the law. You are bringing up an interesting comparison there. Being black is a protected characteristic just like being gay is, the difference is that only the latter does has religious implications. Also, it was not a matter of serving someone that was the question but the making an artifact for a ceremony your religion finds intolerable. So if the question was about a couple being served at a coffee shop then things are different.
Ah but what if a religion believes that mix race weddings are wrong? Or Lets say a gay couple bought a cupcake with love on it from a coffee shop and they refused to serve would that have been alright? Its interesting, you make a good point. Do you have any idea of Britain has the same laws for religious freedom (to discriminate)? Sorry lots of questions.
In the UK there is no constitution but there is an equality act under which religion and sexuality are protected characteristics. There is no religion that says anything about race in that way and I think it would be intolerable for almost all countries to accept one such religion. It is a “we will cross that bridge when we get there” kind of problem but the bridge doesn’t exist!
Do you ever worry you are too independent-minded to get anywhere in leftist politics? As an outsider, it seems that anyone unwilling to go along with the most extreme ideas on a range of social and cultural issues will always face the kind of career limiting backlash folks like Rosie Duffield are facing. The revolution will always eat its own children?
I used to worry, and then I realised I am not a special snowflake; everyone has nuanced views and the reason people group en masse is because they are too scared; they are too scared because nobody is saying what they think or nobody thinks long and hard enough to say anything meaningful. People on all sides eventually get tired of repeating slogans. What I would say about politicians who face a big backlash is that often there is more than meets the eye. There is personal responsiblity in not just deciding wether to bring a controversial view to the public but also in how to best do it so that the message is receptive and engaging.
It ain't just leftist politics. Everyone is increasingly tribalized and polarized. Either you conform to every tittle, iota and jot of tribal groupthink or you are on your own.
Stella, it's me; your older sister. Oh wow. What this piece has done to take me back a couple of decades. I had guy friends in the 90s and early 00s who were gay (and have since come out) but none of us had the language to be able to talk about it then, and really I don't think we even thought about them in terms of sexuality. If anything, my closer now-out friends were classed as pretty much asexual in our group, like it would be a massive shock if they were with ANYONE, let alone another man. They were our sidekicks; companions who walked alongside us as we made all the mistakes with all the rotten apples. And so they were classed as 'enthusiastic,' as 'theatrical,' 'as children's TV presenter -like' instead.
Thanks for reminding me that though things have improved in the UK, it's not the case elsewhere and still a MASSIVE deal to live in your truth.
And yes, you are the hottest mother of the groom I've ever seen 🔥
oh wow, that is fascinating. I never thought that would be the case. I am so surprised that even for something so simple your generation struggled to express it, because you are only slighly older than me so I didn't expect such a difference.
thanks for the kind words <3 :-)
Aren't we lucky to be alive now and here, when and where disagreeing with dogma (or other people in general) only generates disapproval, not imprisonment or death. I'd like to keep it that way.
Yes, I think about that often. As much as being socially frowned upon hurts, we have come a long way.
What a text! 🙏🏻❤️👏🏻 Outstanding and so spot on!
thank you :-)
Beautiful makes me squeeee 💜
I am glad Elly :-)
This was Stella’s best piece yet. A lesser writer would’ve turned a mundane event into an excuse for narcissistic moral posturing, but this piece was emphatic, hilarious and inspiring.
We could all use a friend like this in our lives.
thank you Ken for the thoughtful comment, your feedback is always welcome !
You said 90% of your friends circle is gay, is this just gay men or also queer women and others?
Matteo Lane has a hilarious stand up bit where he says gaymen flock around straight drunk women coming out of bars at night because they love drama, and they know stuff's about to happen.
and I will check Matteo out, I need some inspo for my own stand up! I was thinking of writing a funny piece here about how to be a good faghag, by for example not colonising gay clubs just because the vibe is nicer and the music is more fun etc.
or not calling yourself queer if you have ever only kissed a girl when you where 16 and drunk with your girlfriends, that's another pet peeve of mine
Preeching to the choir. It's the reason queer women stopped going to lgbt venues, including myself, and they're all closing down now. They're just full of straight women and that defeats the purpose.
which tbf if you are bicurious sure, come, but not in a gang of straight gals, engulf yourself in a gay group
Are straight women invading lesbian bars?
Yes
OK but from what I'm hearing the closing of lesbian bars is because of the infiltration of transwomen, or rather "translesbians".
So the majority is gay men, with a few gay women sprinkled in for good measure. like my top 6 friends or so are gay men...
"Cancellation" is basically a status contest. When the Cool Kids do it, then it's at worst a faux pas to be laughed off.
When the uncool kids do it, then they are to be cast into Outer Darkness.
Anyway, cats don't really do romantic love. We do "love", but romance doesn't play into it.
You're catcelled.
Mrrowp?
Congratulations to your friends! Their bravery in pursuing love is an inspiration. Where do you think the line is between disrespect and discrimination, had they not served a black couple would have been legal? Its interesting I thought it was. Competing interests is so sad, we can’t protect everyone.
I think disrespect is not a matter for the law. You are bringing up an interesting comparison there. Being black is a protected characteristic just like being gay is, the difference is that only the latter does has religious implications. Also, it was not a matter of serving someone that was the question but the making an artifact for a ceremony your religion finds intolerable. So if the question was about a couple being served at a coffee shop then things are different.
Ah but what if a religion believes that mix race weddings are wrong? Or Lets say a gay couple bought a cupcake with love on it from a coffee shop and they refused to serve would that have been alright? Its interesting, you make a good point. Do you have any idea of Britain has the same laws for religious freedom (to discriminate)? Sorry lots of questions.
In the UK there is no constitution but there is an equality act under which religion and sexuality are protected characteristics. There is no religion that says anything about race in that way and I think it would be intolerable for almost all countries to accept one such religion. It is a “we will cross that bridge when we get there” kind of problem but the bridge doesn’t exist!
I’m glad it all worked out so well.
However, should you ever have to do battle with Etsy Lady in the future remember your Shatner.
ETSYYYYYYYYY! ETSYYYYYYYY!
lol! thanks
Do you ever worry you are too independent-minded to get anywhere in leftist politics? As an outsider, it seems that anyone unwilling to go along with the most extreme ideas on a range of social and cultural issues will always face the kind of career limiting backlash folks like Rosie Duffield are facing. The revolution will always eat its own children?
I used to worry, and then I realised I am not a special snowflake; everyone has nuanced views and the reason people group en masse is because they are too scared; they are too scared because nobody is saying what they think or nobody thinks long and hard enough to say anything meaningful. People on all sides eventually get tired of repeating slogans. What I would say about politicians who face a big backlash is that often there is more than meets the eye. There is personal responsiblity in not just deciding wether to bring a controversial view to the public but also in how to best do it so that the message is receptive and engaging.
It ain't just leftist politics. Everyone is increasingly tribalized and polarized. Either you conform to every tittle, iota and jot of tribal groupthink or you are on your own.
Hear hear