Godly and quietly governed

And if I did find happiness and riches and love who would stay with you Anon
Down in the trenches, in the gutter of life

Van Gogh in his delirium 
When still starving and unknown 
Wrote if I am wheat later I am wheat now
Doesn’t matter if others only see grass 

People say that you can’t have everything but some people have so so very much
It would be nice if I got all the things I want
And for some 
I pray for harder than others
But then who would  be here with you Anon 

 
Me
I am there cooling off your feverish forehead in your rented flat in a country you weren’t born in
Squeezing your hand before the audition you told no one but your cat about
Patting your back when you tear open that envelope 
It’s from tv licence, they pay for that here

I am giving you a fucking foot massage  because that’s how much I fucking love you
I am not going to bed, I stay on the couch with the tv on to keep me awake because I want to greet you when you return
Do you like leftovers? I was still hungry, but I stopped.
Like the fitfluencers say you should on TikTok 
I don’t care about losing weight, you are the most important part of my body, I just care 
that you get the last chicken wing
I know you explained to me what you do for work, forgive me  if I don’t remember your best friends name, I know you’ve been mentioning him since university but I can't pronounce foreign words

I am witness to your shame and I am not put off by it
Your breath is familiar not repulsive
I run my fingers down your back and I don’t recoil when my palm moistens by the sweat in your folds
You are accepted unreservedly 
Your mother doesn’t ask about the stain on your sheet and neither do I 
What’s your favourite snack? I will buy ten of them
My favourite genre of book is cookery
I read Nigella and fantasize about feeding you
Devil’s food cake
Sluts spaghetti 
Buttermilk chicken 
I walk around Waitrose and I run my fingers through the bulgur wheat
I don’t eat carbs by myself but I would be so happy soaking them overnight and skipping Pilates after work to come home early to slow cook them for you
Do you want me to mention it is Ottolenghi or is that too try hard
I’ll say nothing, pretend the recipe is intuitive 
Cooking in my DNA as much as not needing sun cream on a skiing trip



I want to reach through my screen and brush your cheek 
What’s your skin type, oily, dry, combination
I’ll have the Kiel’s assistant pick the best cream 
You’d never pay £60 for a moisturiser
But I know you better than you know yourself and I know you want to look good
Not for me, lol, I’d like you even if you ate yourself to an early grave
You know that too, you hate that about me
Baby what did you iron that shirt before meeting me for
Even obese I would fuck you 
I would push my face into your stomach like a Japanese baby on Instagram rests her forehead on a kitten 
So serene and soft
I’d count your chest hair like a leader in his twilight counts votes
Anxiously, hopefully till I reach the navel 
I’d breathe in the softener I picked to make
You think
I am not like other girls
I am worse

No one who knows what they do to male chicks should sleep alone

No, I am not your girlfriend 
I am your mother Anon

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