I don’t think you’ll be the first, pretty sure that lots of powerful women made tons of dirty jokes and just nobody wrote them down, because any idiot can make dirty jokes but dignity takes effort so people remember the dignity. Anyway, most of us have probably been there and it sucks, wallow a bit and then enjoy when it passes.
You make a strong point but I can think of a few Presidents and Prime Ministers who make a career out of saying preposterous things, I don’t want to emulate them but I would like the freedom to pursuit my artistic and comedic inclinations
I honestly think most people who read you would just think you come across as a nice, single girl who openly wants to fall in love and have a happy marriage.
You're already kind of writing porno, just not the exclusively bodily type but the psychic type. I think your matriarchal mentor's one critical feedback metaphorically and beautifully captures this fact: "Some of your stuff is too close to the bone." In other words, they are too raw or too pornographic. It's the reason I in particular am glued to reading you, the inevitable alliance of the inveterate voyeur and the intrepid ("passionate") exhibitionist!
Also, it's my cautious impression that while it may be true you're not bipolar, you may actually be somewhere north of middle on the bipolar spectrum. But you have quite an armament of both inherited and acquired protective factors which appear to be getting stronger as you grow older. I suspect that your teenage highschool years wouldn't be as miserable as you described if even half of your acquired coping skills had been learned by then. Even then, I also think the natural protective factors (eg the fact that you were never suicidal no matter the depth of your misery) played a huge role in keeping you in relative sanity at the time.
I don't what failure looks like for you because you have so much going for you. The perspective of a 62 year old, reading the post of a young woman who wrote the below about herself (and left out authenticity and great writing chops)
"And if I fail, I’ll still die happy. I took one for the team—the sisterhood of people who are female, funny, seriously political and very, very sexy."
Stella, you’re becoming my sabbatical-year spirit animal, reconnecting me with a younger, bolder, freer version of myself. Throughout my career, all of my managers and colleagues told me to “be careful.” I spoke my mind too freely, they warned. However good intentioned, my words would be used against me.
Thankfully, aside from gentle reprimands here and there, I got away with it — and I think my openness and vulnerability served me well throughout my career.
A professional friend of mine from my 20s (though we’ve since lost touch) is Katherine Maher who was CEO of Wikipedia and now National Public Radio in the US. I admired how openness and vulnerability accompanied her ambition and drive. But now she has to put up with a lot of shit for it:
I imagine the same will be true for you — that you’ll reach your ambitions if you choose to, and that you’ll have to put up with a lot of shit a decade from now for what a previous version of you wrote so eloquently on your Substack. I bet you’ll look back on that person with affection and some melancholy.
Great writing as usual. I find when you are driven by purpose, the bad things tend to feel easier. Regret is worse, I think. I assure you that you will have people rooting for you.
Sounds like you have a choice between which is more important to you out of career success/advancement and the desire to be and express what you feel is your authentic self.
A classic question on the ability to delay gratification and whether it’s worth it 🤷🏼♂️
No, I don't think she has any more choice than asking a dog to choose between a bone and meat for the rest of its life. If she has such a choice and the power to decide upon one, then the conflict wouldn't exist in the first place. I think this tension between who she is and what she wants to be is the fount of her creative expression and what makes her unique and interesting.
I don’t think you’ll be the first, pretty sure that lots of powerful women made tons of dirty jokes and just nobody wrote them down, because any idiot can make dirty jokes but dignity takes effort so people remember the dignity. Anyway, most of us have probably been there and it sucks, wallow a bit and then enjoy when it passes.
You make a strong point but I can think of a few Presidents and Prime Ministers who make a career out of saying preposterous things, I don’t want to emulate them but I would like the freedom to pursuit my artistic and comedic inclinations
"Here is what I heard: 'You are a whore’."
I honestly think most people who read you would just think you come across as a nice, single girl who openly wants to fall in love and have a happy marriage.
"I will be the first woman in public life to be both taken extremely seriously and allowed to slip in a really good dick joke."
If Trump can be president, there's no reason you shouldn't be taken seriously. That came out wrong but I meant well.
You're already kind of writing porno, just not the exclusively bodily type but the psychic type. I think your matriarchal mentor's one critical feedback metaphorically and beautifully captures this fact: "Some of your stuff is too close to the bone." In other words, they are too raw or too pornographic. It's the reason I in particular am glued to reading you, the inevitable alliance of the inveterate voyeur and the intrepid ("passionate") exhibitionist!
Also, it's my cautious impression that while it may be true you're not bipolar, you may actually be somewhere north of middle on the bipolar spectrum. But you have quite an armament of both inherited and acquired protective factors which appear to be getting stronger as you grow older. I suspect that your teenage highschool years wouldn't be as miserable as you described if even half of your acquired coping skills had been learned by then. Even then, I also think the natural protective factors (eg the fact that you were never suicidal no matter the depth of your misery) played a huge role in keeping you in relative sanity at the time.
Cheers!
You know me so well, and never even met me
That sounds like a great team to be on.
Well, wish you all the good luck
Thank you
I don't what failure looks like for you because you have so much going for you. The perspective of a 62 year old, reading the post of a young woman who wrote the below about herself (and left out authenticity and great writing chops)
"And if I fail, I’ll still die happy. I took one for the team—the sisterhood of people who are female, funny, seriously political and very, very sexy."
Thank you David, I think I get too much in my own head and then find excuses to flog myself
Stella, you’re becoming my sabbatical-year spirit animal, reconnecting me with a younger, bolder, freer version of myself. Throughout my career, all of my managers and colleagues told me to “be careful.” I spoke my mind too freely, they warned. However good intentioned, my words would be used against me.
Thankfully, aside from gentle reprimands here and there, I got away with it — and I think my openness and vulnerability served me well throughout my career.
A professional friend of mine from my 20s (though we’ve since lost touch) is Katherine Maher who was CEO of Wikipedia and now National Public Radio in the US. I admired how openness and vulnerability accompanied her ambition and drive. But now she has to put up with a lot of shit for it:
https://www.nytimes.com/2024/04/15/business/media/npr-chief-executive-criticized-over-tweets.html
I imagine the same will be true for you — that you’ll reach your ambitions if you choose to, and that you’ll have to put up with a lot of shit a decade from now for what a previous version of you wrote so eloquently on your Substack. I bet you’ll look back on that person with affection and some melancholy.
Your writing may not work for the British aristocracy, but it works for us. Go with your gut, and your career should follow.
Great writing as usual. I find when you are driven by purpose, the bad things tend to feel easier. Regret is worse, I think. I assure you that you will have people rooting for you.
Thank you 🙂 I think you are right, knowing the why makes the any how tolerable
Girl power!
Sounds like you have a choice between which is more important to you out of career success/advancement and the desire to be and express what you feel is your authentic self.
A classic question on the ability to delay gratification and whether it’s worth it 🤷🏼♂️
Love your writing as always. So good.
And the bummer is, nobody can give us the reassurances we seek. We must make our own bed, and sleep in it. Thanks for reading!
No, I don't think she has any more choice than asking a dog to choose between a bone and meat for the rest of its life. If she has such a choice and the power to decide upon one, then the conflict wouldn't exist in the first place. I think this tension between who she is and what she wants to be is the fount of her creative expression and what makes her unique and interesting.