Seems like you’re engaging with a group that is famously low on empathy and finding that your empathy towards them is unreciprocated. You may be able to find a couple who buck the trend but it’d be tough for sure.
I don’t have any fantastic insights for you, but after spending my late 20s and early 30s in the London policy scene, all of this sounds horribly familiar. To truly make friends with this type of English person takes years - it’s not like Greece or America where there is a presumption of friendly feelings. And to marry… A tough road. Would your erstwhile friend have treated an English woman this way? I think no, because she either would have understood to not show up because it’s “boys time” (accurate but stupid and unfair for policy events), or she would have already known most people in the room and their families for years. You are an Anglophile and want to integrate, and you’re working brilliantly at it. Maybe keep up some of your international crowd too so you can moan over the difficult parts together. Good luck girl, I’m cheering for you, your political fights, and your red dresses. ❤️
My Greek friends who studied in the US before moving to London say the same, that they have struggled to make new friends or when they do make them they struggle to get close or retain them. And you are right about boys time but surely a 31 year old man should have the manners and motivation to include a 30 year old woman with the same interests as him and with whom he has been trying to spend time with.
My hand on my chest. I'm sorry about your baby fascist. Following your footsteps, of letting people you are fond of know you're fond of them, I must say I adore you, Stella. (I've probably said something to this effect on every post you've written this year but fuggit, you're endlessly adorable and deserve to be endlessly fawned over).
countries like the UK and the USA do not realise how good it is that they are still immigration magnets; while we have to adapt to an ageing population long-term, in the short term, with falling birthrates, it is a massive advantage to have young people willing to come to work at your country.
Have you read Anne Appelbaum’s Twilight of Democracy? The most interesting part for me was her dawning realization that the outrageous jokes her RW friends told were in fact how they felt.
Only found your writing recently, but you kind of revive a 70's era policical stance of 'are you f'ing mad, in what way is this fair? I'm protesting.....". But you manage to retain some kind of undercover agent cloak as well! Well done.
we do, though I am definitely not one (we have the IEA and the Adam Smith Institute and the Legatum Institute); I am fond of communitarianism while accepting that individualism is inevitable. I like Tyler Cowen because his work is very wide-ranging and focuses on nurturing talent, which is rare in the UK. It often feels like the UK stifles talent.
As you already noted, these men would never do the same for you. Imagine this rabid right-wing dude passing up a career advance opportunity to sit through a presentation of yours because he thinks you're his "friend". You can't imagine it because he never would. Women need to learn to play the game.
The problem is not immigration or immigrants but a political class that compete to be the United States ' pass around in hope that this allows them to relive some of their imperial importance.
Those familiar with the Looney Tunes canon may recall the little yappy dog that follows Spike the Bulldog around, singing Spike's praises, getting slapped around by Spike, and getting Spike into stupid fights.
"But looking at their obsession with immigration I wonder, would they do the same for me?"
You haven't done the same for them. From their perspective you are the racist and sexist, trying to undermine the country and them and with far left values. Why would they jump to the defence of someone like that? Mismanagement of immigration has ruined lives in this country and you smear anyone as as xenophobe that points it out.
‘would he behave like this to an English woman’ 'Which way, English man'
It's about your character, not where you came from or your sex. Liz is very respectable, even if you disagree she took her beliefs which are about personal integrity, responsibility and individualism to the end at huge personal sacrifice. This commands respect.
A lot of British natives think something along these lines: "That job is beneath me and I refuse to do it for minimum wage!"
This is why immigrants are needed so badly in the UK because they will do those minimum wage jobs that are "beneath" those British natives.
Jobs like picking potatoes, pumpkins, peas, tomatoes, waiting staff, hotel maids, taxi and uber drivers, etc etc - are jobs that people in this country simply refuse to do. I'm sure you get the gist of what I'm saying and could probably add another 200 or more jobs to that list.
The reason people think that way is due to them looking up at the rich and thinking to themselves 'one day I'll be like them' when they know deep down that they'll never been like them and that they'll always flounder around in the shallow end of the pool despite having a fairly decent job that pays a fairly decent wage. They, despite their politics, subscribe unconsciously to Thatcher's dream of home ownership, owning the best car they can, having shares in XX company -- any thing that makes them stand out from the plebs that they see as beneath them.
That wage however is only just above the JAM (Just About Managing) level. Despite struggling every month to pay those bills that just seem to keep on coming and being able, sometimes, to put away a few pounds into a savings account that never seems to go anywhere because of the lack of interest that banks seem intent not to pay, they continue to believe in the unobtainable dream of being rich because they believe that like Del Boy Trotter, "this time next year, we'll be millionaires!".
If those British natives ever stop believing in the above and work those jobs that they think are beneath them then immigrants would have less reasons to set course for the UK and people like Farage and his cronies and a lot of others would be condemned to the scrapheap forever. But this will never happen and it's about time people realised that immigrants are a necessary evil (and I use that term loosely).
Immigrants should always been welcomed to the country. They pay (as long as they have a legal job) taxes and they can and do contribute to society in positive ways and I for one applaud them.
-
Oh and if given the option of the English rose and your good self or someone similar - I choose you every time, especially in your red dress. If I had known you back then and that you where in Durham, alone in the early evening, I would have came to your rescue and (hopefully) shown you some Northern hospitality. I might not have been able to take you to an expensive supper in the finest of restaurants, nor spend the rest of the evening dancing (I couldn't dance to save your life, never-mind my own) but I would have filled the evening with (some) alcohol of your choice, good conversation and shown you that some of us British men of a certain age still know how to be a gracious host - unlike your Tory "friend".
a street in London where libertarian, free market think tanks like Adams Smith Institute and the IEA (Institute of Economic Affairs) have their headquarters, they campaign obsessively about de-regulation
You and your class show 0 empathy and understanding for the millions of people in pur towns and cities who feel disinherited of their own country and no longer feel at home where theyve been brought up. This is a profound evil but because it doesnt show up in economic statistics, people like you ignore it.
Seems like you’re engaging with a group that is famously low on empathy and finding that your empathy towards them is unreciprocated. You may be able to find a couple who buck the trend but it’d be tough for sure.
I wish there were millions more like you, but I fear you may be one of a kind.
thank you Jack x
I don’t have any fantastic insights for you, but after spending my late 20s and early 30s in the London policy scene, all of this sounds horribly familiar. To truly make friends with this type of English person takes years - it’s not like Greece or America where there is a presumption of friendly feelings. And to marry… A tough road. Would your erstwhile friend have treated an English woman this way? I think no, because she either would have understood to not show up because it’s “boys time” (accurate but stupid and unfair for policy events), or she would have already known most people in the room and their families for years. You are an Anglophile and want to integrate, and you’re working brilliantly at it. Maybe keep up some of your international crowd too so you can moan over the difficult parts together. Good luck girl, I’m cheering for you, your political fights, and your red dresses. ❤️
My Greek friends who studied in the US before moving to London say the same, that they have struggled to make new friends or when they do make them they struggle to get close or retain them. And you are right about boys time but surely a 31 year old man should have the manners and motivation to include a 30 year old woman with the same interests as him and with whom he has been trying to spend time with.
But I love how familiar you seem to be with “all this” 😂😭
Only 31 in terms of time spent alive, otherwise desperately immature.
My hand on my chest. I'm sorry about your baby fascist. Following your footsteps, of letting people you are fond of know you're fond of them, I must say I adore you, Stella. (I've probably said something to this effect on every post you've written this year but fuggit, you're endlessly adorable and deserve to be endlessly fawned over).
🩵
And your comments are welcome on every post x ☺️
Your “English rose” chap was right. There are many men like that. They just don’t deserve to date you.
they certainly don't
The demographic problem is real. True patriots should start worrying when people don't want to immigrate to their country,
countries like the UK and the USA do not realise how good it is that they are still immigration magnets; while we have to adapt to an ageing population long-term, in the short term, with falling birthrates, it is a massive advantage to have young people willing to come to work at your country.
Have you read Anne Appelbaum’s Twilight of Democracy? The most interesting part for me was her dawning realization that the outrageous jokes her RW friends told were in fact how they felt.
I have not even included half of the things I hear from some of them. I will check it out, thanks!
Only found your writing recently, but you kind of revive a 70's era policical stance of 'are you f'ing mad, in what way is this fair? I'm protesting.....". But you manage to retain some kind of undercover agent cloak as well! Well done.
Thank you Jed ☺️
Yay for Durham! I studied there during my final year of University (good old Erasmus times). Good to see they haven't changed
Ah they were just wonderful, lovely bunch xx
Does the UK have libertarians? What do Brits make of someone like Cowen? How would people in the UK associated with Cowen help your career?
we do, though I am definitely not one (we have the IEA and the Adam Smith Institute and the Legatum Institute); I am fond of communitarianism while accepting that individualism is inevitable. I like Tyler Cowen because his work is very wide-ranging and focuses on nurturing talent, which is rare in the UK. It often feels like the UK stifles talent.
"the man who invited me and for whom I missed an event that could have been meaningfully helpful for my career"
NEVER EVER EVER EVER DO THIS!!!!
Your career comes first.
I completely agree, literally EVERY TIME
As you already noted, these men would never do the same for you. Imagine this rabid right-wing dude passing up a career advance opportunity to sit through a presentation of yours because he thinks you're his "friend". You can't imagine it because he never would. Women need to learn to play the game.
The problem is not immigration or immigrants but a political class that compete to be the United States ' pass around in hope that this allows them to relive some of their imperial importance.
Those familiar with the Looney Tunes canon may recall the little yappy dog that follows Spike the Bulldog around, singing Spike's praises, getting slapped around by Spike, and getting Spike into stupid fights.
The UK is that little yappy dog.
it is very annoying how many of our politicians will copy americanisms at every opportunity
It's not the americanisms that are the problem. It's that they run Great Britain as compadors for the benefit of Master.
"But looking at their obsession with immigration I wonder, would they do the same for me?"
You haven't done the same for them. From their perspective you are the racist and sexist, trying to undermine the country and them and with far left values. Why would they jump to the defence of someone like that? Mismanagement of immigration has ruined lives in this country and you smear anyone as as xenophobe that points it out.
‘would he behave like this to an English woman’ 'Which way, English man'
It's about your character, not where you came from or your sex. Liz is very respectable, even if you disagree she took her beliefs which are about personal integrity, responsibility and individualism to the end at huge personal sacrifice. This commands respect.
A lot of British natives think something along these lines: "That job is beneath me and I refuse to do it for minimum wage!"
This is why immigrants are needed so badly in the UK because they will do those minimum wage jobs that are "beneath" those British natives.
Jobs like picking potatoes, pumpkins, peas, tomatoes, waiting staff, hotel maids, taxi and uber drivers, etc etc - are jobs that people in this country simply refuse to do. I'm sure you get the gist of what I'm saying and could probably add another 200 or more jobs to that list.
The reason people think that way is due to them looking up at the rich and thinking to themselves 'one day I'll be like them' when they know deep down that they'll never been like them and that they'll always flounder around in the shallow end of the pool despite having a fairly decent job that pays a fairly decent wage. They, despite their politics, subscribe unconsciously to Thatcher's dream of home ownership, owning the best car they can, having shares in XX company -- any thing that makes them stand out from the plebs that they see as beneath them.
That wage however is only just above the JAM (Just About Managing) level. Despite struggling every month to pay those bills that just seem to keep on coming and being able, sometimes, to put away a few pounds into a savings account that never seems to go anywhere because of the lack of interest that banks seem intent not to pay, they continue to believe in the unobtainable dream of being rich because they believe that like Del Boy Trotter, "this time next year, we'll be millionaires!".
If those British natives ever stop believing in the above and work those jobs that they think are beneath them then immigrants would have less reasons to set course for the UK and people like Farage and his cronies and a lot of others would be condemned to the scrapheap forever. But this will never happen and it's about time people realised that immigrants are a necessary evil (and I use that term loosely).
Immigrants should always been welcomed to the country. They pay (as long as they have a legal job) taxes and they can and do contribute to society in positive ways and I for one applaud them.
-
Oh and if given the option of the English rose and your good self or someone similar - I choose you every time, especially in your red dress. If I had known you back then and that you where in Durham, alone in the early evening, I would have came to your rescue and (hopefully) shown you some Northern hospitality. I might not have been able to take you to an expensive supper in the finest of restaurants, nor spend the rest of the evening dancing (I couldn't dance to save your life, never-mind my own) but I would have filled the evening with (some) alcohol of your choice, good conversation and shown you that some of us British men of a certain age still know how to be a gracious host - unlike your Tory "friend".
*googles 'Tufton st'*
a street in London where libertarian, free market think tanks like Adams Smith Institute and the IEA (Institute of Economic Affairs) have their headquarters, they campaign obsessively about de-regulation
You and your class show 0 empathy and understanding for the millions of people in pur towns and cities who feel disinherited of their own country and no longer feel at home where theyve been brought up. This is a profound evil but because it doesnt show up in economic statistics, people like you ignore it.